She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize