It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize