I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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