Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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