Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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