You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
