Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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