i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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