yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
