Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
