wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
