Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your penis caused this!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
