He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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