I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
