dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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