***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
