why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
