Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you had me at cake vodka
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
