Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
