I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
