Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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