His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize