walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
