Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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