Just cropdusted the office
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize