Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
