I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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