I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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