We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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