then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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