i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to be your penis for a week.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
