She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
