thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
