yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
