I don't usually arrange sex via text message
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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