I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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