It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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