It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
