This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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