Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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