the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
