i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
