I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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