Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
