her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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