So drunk its hurt
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I didn't notice because vodka
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
