why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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