Pants 0. Shit 1.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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