Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
