my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
