no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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