I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
