I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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