I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
