We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize