Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize