This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
