take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
