I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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