your parents love me but you hate me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
