guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
