I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
