Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
