On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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