at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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