We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
