Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
